"We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship"
- Harville Hendricks
So you want to begin couples therapy...
Many people begin couples therapy with the private (or not-so-private) hope that the therapist will referee their debates and decide who is right and wrong.
Some staunchly believe that their partner is the one who needs to change, implying they have no role in their conflict.
Realistically, neither of these sentiments serves the pursuit of love and deep connection.
With remarkable consistency, if you ask a couple how often they spend time together or what their major differences or disagreements are, you will get two different answers.
Is it because one is definitively right and the other wrong? NO.
But rather, these unique perspectives offer a valid window into what each person feels beyond what is being said.
The discrepancy between the two viewpoint can be used to gain a deeper appreciation for why you chose each other and the nature of your attachment.
This depth of understanding can allow for greater intimacy and connection, and that’s what we’ll pursue in couples therapy.
“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship? Because you can’t always have both. You can’t cuddle up and relax with “being right” after a long day.”
- Harville Hendricks
Every couple has their share of conflicts and arguments.
But when repeated efforts to resolve these issues have failed, couples therapy can help.
A good course of couples therapy is often the result of two people committing to knowing themselves and the other person with greater depth.
Rather than taking sides, as your therapist, we will be on the side of your relationship, helping each of you learn, grow, and confront the dynamics that keep you stuck in cycles of conflict.
Here's how it works...
First, we’ll meet for an initial consultation for about 80 minutes, during which we’ll discuss your main reasons for beginning therapy. We’ll also discuss the history of your relationship, including how you met and what initially attracted you to each other.
Next, we’ll have a single individual session with each partner to get better acquainted, learn about your personal histories, and hear your perspective on the issues in your relationship.
Then, we’ll meet again, all together, to discuss what we’ve learned and chart our course forward.
Couples Therapy is a democracy for emotions.
Everyone’s perspective matters, and everyone will have a chance to say what’s most important to say.
We will endeavor to create a space for each of you to feel heard and acknowledged.
All the while, the therapist will manage and direct the conversation while observing your body language, tone, speech timing, choice of words, and reactions to each other.
Together, we’ll make meaning of your experience, pull back the layers of miscommunication, and get to the core of your concerns.