So you want to begin couples therapy...
Many people begin couples therapy with the private (or not-so-private) hope that the therapist will referee their debates and declare one person to be right, and the other, patently wrong.
Some firmly believe that their partner is the only one who needs to change or be introspective, implying they have no role in the dynamic.
These are subtle black-and-white notions of innocence and offence, right and wrong, good or bad.
While straightforward and uncomplicated, none of these sentiments serve the pursuit of love and deep connection.
With remarkable consistency, if you ask a couple about their experience of the relationship, you will get two different answers.
Is it because one is definitively right and the other wrong? NO.
But rather, each perspective offers a valid window into what each person feels beyond what is being said.
When we’re curious about the discrepancy between each partner’s viewpoint we can gain a deeper understanding of each partner’s needs, the pros and cons of the relationship dynamic, and the nature of your attachment.
Mutual understanding is the basis of deep connection. Adding depth to your understanding of each other’s inner world can enhance communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution, and that’s what we’ll pursue in couples therapy.